Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
