There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
