Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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