i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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