Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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