i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
