I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
