I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
