I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
