I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
