this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
