we have pet lesbian snakes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
