how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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