He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My ass is underappreciated
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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