I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
