if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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