You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
