I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
