i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
