just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
