I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
