Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
