I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize