I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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