super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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