ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
