i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
