tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
