if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
