You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
