In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
