I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
