i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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