Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
