Can i not drive my cunt home
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
