I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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