I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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