Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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