she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
