i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
