i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This house was built for laser tag.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
