guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
