wrigley field is MILF paradise
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
