in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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