wrigley field is MILF paradise
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
