My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
