HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
