How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
