You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
