sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
