so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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