I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
