Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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