my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
