Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
