Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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