As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
