just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They have beer where we have blood.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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