im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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