If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
