so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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