i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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