There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
