I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
