I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
