Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
